Tired.

Well, I had my post op appointment. My stitches are out and I don't have to have my ankle wrapped with gauze, but that is all that has changed. I don't sleep on a good schedule. It took me hours and falling asleep five times to write a two page, double-spaced paper on something I've literally (no I don't mean figuratively here) have learned about since my psychology 1101 class my first semester of college in fall 2008. So, I guess my question is, when will enough be enough?

I can't drop my classes because my health insurance relies on it. I thought I was turning the corner because I'm no longer in straight up pain and am not taking pain killers. What is happening is my anxiety is so high that it's causing a histamine reaction and giving me a rash and hives that are dependent on Benadryl, Xanax, and a prescription lotion to try and control....I'm still itchy.

This is a really self-serving, sad post and I know it, but I'm so tired. I'm tired of not being able to stay awake. I'm tired of itching. I'm tired of bone ache. I'm tired not being able to sit on my own fucking couch because it's too low and I won't be able to get back up. I'm tired of not knowing what the upper floor of my new rental house looks like because I have no idea how I'll stand up once I "butt scoot" to the top. I'm tired of people who should care, even just a tiny bit, seeming to not care at all.

I'm tired.